25 November 2009

Things I Learned About Life by Watching NCIS

While unemployed over the summer, I developed an affinity for the CBS show NCIS. In the evening hours, when I was truly bored, I would turn on the TV and it would be on some channel, somewhere, at nearly every hour of the evening. So watching it while I was eating dinner turned into watching it in between dinner and The Daily Show; THEN I got caught up on last season and saw the season finale, so it was a natural transition to watching the new shows on Tuesday nights.

At the beginning of October, when I went to DC for the Solar Decathlon, I had a surreal experience that brought me a few degrees closer to NCIS. I sat next to my favorite plane neighbor ever, a guy named Mike who was a former Assistant Director of the REAL NCIS. Mike was a super-nice dude who told me all sorts of amazing stories about working as a Special Agent in his early days and later, how he helped set up a forensic lab in Iraq that assisted in catching terrorists who targeted our soldiers. Now I realize that Mike could have been pulling my chain, but he was an Irish-Catholic-Boston type, and he seemed like a honest guy with a humble outlook who was in awe of his good fortune. Anyway, we had a great chat and I was tickled by his stories of meeting Mark Harmon and the rest of the cast of the show when they came to his office. Would that plane neighbors could always be that cool!

And, clearly, because I wasn't nerding out enough on this show, I decided to dress up as NCIS's goth Forensic Scientist Abby Scuitto for Halloween. I was pleased to find that roughly half the people I encountered in Portland on Halloween night knew who I was (many fellow nerds, I assume). After posting a photo of myself in my costume on Facebook, I received a text message from my friend Lisa who was at a Halloween party in Los Angeles while I was partying in Portland. It contained a picture of Lisa with the fabulous actress who portrays Abby (they were at the same party together), thus cinching my loyalty to the show:

Therefore, without further ado, here is my fledgling list of Things I Learned About Life by Watching NCIS:
  1. British people started driving on the left-hand side of the road because their horses originally rode that way; since most people are right-handed, it was easier to sword fight from their horses if their right sides were passing each other. (I don't know if this factoid is true but it sounds good, and Ducky said so, therefore I am going with it)
  2. There is ALWAYS evidence at crime scenes. It is nearly impossible to NOT leave DNA evidence at crime scenes.
  3. Nerdy, sensitive computer types are, in reality, quite a bit hotter than supposedly hot beefy jock types.
  4. Do not mess with Marine snipers, aka "gunnies". *
  5. If you are a female working for NCIS, your life will always be in danger, and you have a good chance of dying; UNLESS you are a trained Israeli assassin, in which case you are almost always doing the a**-kicking. The opposite is true for the men; male NCIS team members have a much greater chance of survival, while the male trained Israeli assassins have a good chance of dying a violent death.
  6. A "Probie" is a probationary officer.
  7. A "LEO" is a Law Enforcement Officer.
  8. A "bolo" is an alert put out by LEOs to find vehicles transporting bad guys.
  9. "SecNav" is the Secretary of the Navy.
  10. Whereas the Army and the Air Force have completely separate "jurisdictions", the Navy and the Marines share many things, including NCIS, and the Medal of Honor (for the honorable few who get one).
*My ex-Army friend informed me that actually snipers and "gunnies" are not equivalent; apparently "gunny" is a nickname for the level that Gibbs achieved while in the Marines, and he just happened to be a sniper who was called a gunny. Thanks, Scott!

...I'm sure I'll figure out more. Post them if you have some! Nerds unite!


gretchen said...

Pauley is awesome. I can't believe you didn't meet her during your time in LA; she lives directly next door to Angus and I'm sure we've driven right by her house a bunch of times.

eventer79 said...

Have you ever watched MI5? It's a BBC show, but they have started showing it on US television I hear. I watch it on Netflix. But it's FREAKING AWESOME and blows our stuff out of the water, much grittier and unafraid to tackle the tough issues. Offers many such life lessons. One important one: bad guy can't resist giving you a little lecture before he shoots you. Said lecture will offer JUST enough time for brave rescuers to reach you and pop him as his finger touches the trigger. So always ask your executioners questions about their motivations and get them to gloat.